hours fly, flowers die... new days, new ways.... pass by, love stays....
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
body images and self-esteem
I'm fat. I'm too skinny. I'd be happy if I were taller, shorter, had curly hair, straight hair, a smaller nose, bigger muscles, longer legs.
Do any of these statements sound familiar? Are you used to putting yourself down? If so, you're not alone. As a teen, you're going through a ton of changes in your body. And as your body changes, so does your image of yourself. Lots of people have trouble adjusting, and this can affect their self-esteem.
Why Are Self-Esteem and Body Image Important?
Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect how you act. A person who has high self-esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will enjoy life more.
Body image is how someone feels about his or her own physical appearance.
For many people, especially those in their early teens, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem. That's because as kids develop into teens, they care more about how others see them.
What Influences a Person's Self-Esteem?
Some teens struggle with their self-esteem when they begin puberty because the body goes through many changes. These changes, combined with a natural desire to feel accepted, mean it can be tempting for people to compare themselves with others. They may compare themselves with the people around them or with actors and celebs they see on TV, in movies, or in magazines.
But it's impossible to measure ourselves against others because the changes that come with puberty are different for everyone. Some people start developing early; others are late bloomers. Some get a temporary layer of fat to prepare for a growth spurt, others fill out permanently, and others feel like they stay skinny no matter how much they eat. It all depends on how our genes have programmed our bodies to act.
The changes that come with puberty can affect how both girls and guys feel about themselves. Some girls may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about their maturing bodies. Others may wish that they were developing faster. Girls may feel pressure to be thin but guys may feel like they don't look big or muscular enough.
It's not just development that affect self-esteem, though. Lots of other factors (like media images of skinny girls and bulked-up guys) can affect a person's body image too.
Family life can sometimes influence a person's self-esteem. Some parents spend more time criticizing their kids and the way they look than praising them. This criticism may reduce a person's ability to develop good self-esteem.
People may also experience negative comments and hurtful teasing about the way they look from classmates and peers. Sometimes racial and ethnic prejudice is the source of such comments. Although these often come from ignorance, sometimes they can affect another person's body image and self-esteem.
What Causes Stress Overload?
Although just enough stress can be a good thing, stress overload is a different story - too much stress isn't good for anyone. For example, feeling a little stress about a test that's coming up can motivate you to study hard. But stressing out too much over the test can make it hard to concentrate on the material you need to learn.
Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. Here are some of the things that can overwhelm the body's ability to cope if they continue for a long time:
* being bullied or exposed to violence or injury
* relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one
* ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)
* crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
Some stressful situations can be extreme and may require special attention and care. Posttraumatic stress disorder is a very strong stress reaction that can develop in people who have lived through an extremely traumatic event, such as a serious car accident, a natural disaster like an earthquake, or an assault like rape.
Some people have anxiety problems that can cause them to overreact to stress, making even small difficulties seem like crises. If a person frequently feels tense, upset, worried, or stressed, it may be a sign of anxiety. Anxiety problems usually need attention, and many people turn to professional counselors for help in overcoming them.
People who are experiencing stress overload may notice some of the following signs:
* anxiety or panic attacks
* a feeling of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried
* irritability and moodiness
* physical symptoms, such as stomach problems, headaches, or even chest pain
* allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
* problems sleeping
* drinking too much, smoking, overeating, or doing drugs
* sadness or depression
Everyone experiences stress a little differently. Some people become angry and act out their stress or take it out on others. Some people internalize it and develop eating disorders or substance abuse problems. And some people who have a chronic illness may find that the symptoms of their illness flare up under an overload of stress.
What can you do to deal with stress overload or, better yet, to avoid it in the first place? The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they're used regularly, not just when the pressure's on. Knowing how to "de-stress" and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some things that can help keep stress under control.
Take a stand against overscheduling. If you're feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.
Be realistic. Don't try to be perfect - no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.
Get a good night's sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological "sleep clock" shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.
Learn to relax. The body's natural antidote to stress is called the relaxation response. It's your body's opposite of stress, and it creates a sense of well-being and calm. The chemical benefits of the relaxation response can be activated simply by relaxing. You can help trigger the relaxation response by learning simple breathing exercises and then using them when you're caught up in stressful situations. (Click on the button to try one.) And ensure you stay relaxed by building time into your schedule for activities that are calming and pleasurable: reading a good book or making time for a hobby, spending time with your pet, or just taking a relaxing bath
Treat your body well. Experts agree that getting regular exercise helps people manage stress. (Excessive or compulsive exercise can contribute to stress, though, so as in all things, use moderation.) And eat well to help your body get the right fuel to function at its best. It's easy when you're stressed out to eat on the run or eat junk food or fast food. But under stressful conditions, the body needs its vitamins and minerals more than ever. Some people may turn to substance abuse as a way to ease tension. Although alcohol or drugs may seem to lift the stress temporarily, relying on them to cope with stress actually promotes more stress because it wears down the body's ability to bounce back.
Watch what you're thinking. Your outlook, attitude, and thoughts influence the way you see things. Is your cup half full or half empty? A healthy dose of optimism can help you make the best of stressful circumstances. Even if you're out of practice, or tend to be a bit of a pessimist, everyone can learn to think more optimistically and reap the benefits.
Solve the little problems. Learning to solve everyday problems can give you a sense of control. But avoiding them can leave you feeling like you have little control and that just adds to stress. Develop skills to calmly look at a problem, figure out options, and take some action toward a solution. Feeling capable of solving little problems builds the inner confidence to move on to life's bigger ones - and it and can serve you well in times of stress.
Ever notice that certain people seem to adapt quickly to stressful circumstances and take things in stride? They're cool under pressure and able to handle problems as they come up. Researchers have identified the qualities that make some people seem naturally resilient even when faced with high levels of stress. If you want to build your resilience, work on developing these attitudes and behaviors:
* Think of change as a challenging and normal part of life.
* See setbacks and problems as temporary and solvable.
* Believe that you will succeed if you keep working toward your goals.
* Take action to solve problems that crop up.
* Build strong relationships and keep commitments to family and friends.
* Have a support system and ask for help.
* Participate regularly in activities for relaxation and fun.
Learn to think of challenges as opportunities and stressors as temporary problems, not disasters. Practice solving problems and asking others for help and guidance rather than complaining and letting stress build. Make goals and keep track of your progress. Make time for relaxation. Be optimistic. Believe in yourself. Be sure to breathe. And let a little stress motivate you into positive action to reach your goals.
Updated and reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
..no matter what..
How to Comfort a Grieving Person
1.Allow the person to talk about his grief and express his feelings. Listen without offering advice or interrupting.
2.Be patient with the grieving person's changeable moods. It's normal for someone who is grieving to alternate between anger, sadness, numbness and acceptance.
3.Give the person as much time as he needs to grieve. Telling him to 'get over it' or 'let it go' won't help him grieve any faster.
4.Ask the bereaved what you can do to help. Try not to get frustrated if he doesn't know what he needs.
5.Offer suggestions of what you could do to help. For example, does the grieving person need more space? Does he want you to be around more? Are there tasks or errands he needs done?
6.Show affection such as hugs or handholding if the bereaved seems receptive. If he seems uninterested in affection, try not to get irritated - this will pass with time.
7.Encourage the grieving person to join a grief support group. He can call his doctor for a referral or look in the community service section of the yellow pages for grief support services.
8.Urge the grieving person to get professional help if he's so depressed that he's unable to function day to day. Assist him in setting up an appointment with a doctor to discuss counseling or possible medication.
life is always like this...
as we grow up,
we learn that the 1 person that wasn't supposed to ever let u down
u will have ur heart broken probably more than once
and its harder ever times..
u will break hearts too
so remember how it felt when yours was broken..
u will fight with ur bestfriend and u will lose some friends too
u will blame ur new one for things an old one did
u will cry because time is passing too fast
u will eventually lose someone u love
so take too many pictures,
laugh too much
and love like u never been hurt
because every 60 seconds u spend upset
is a minute of happiness u will never get back!!
tHe WEaK CaN nEvEr FoRgIvE
fOrGiVeNeSs Is thE aTtrIbUtE Of tHe STRONG!
U DoNt fOrGivE pEopLe FoR ThEiR bEnEfIt
U Do iT fOR yOuR bENefIt!
do u ever listen to the song ' sorry seem to be the hardest word'?
do u ever experience it by urself?
sometimes it is true when we are facing difficult and hard situation
but then, we had to believe that forgiveness is not something that difficult..
forget n forgive..
WhErE iS ThE SuCcesS??
7 SECRET OF SUCCESS THAT WE CAN FOUND THE ANSWER IN OUR ROOM!!
ROOF said: aim high!
FAN said: be cool
CLOCK said: every minute is precious
MIRROR said: reflect before u act!
WINDOW said:see the world
CALENDAR said: be up to date
DOOR said: push hard to achieve your goals!!
WhAt FrIeNsHiP rEaLly MeAns??
Can I Call You Angel?
The snow fell, leaving a halo of white upon your head,
and that's when I said,
"Can I call you Angel?"
You looked at me with surprise,
but I could see it in your eyes,
and I knew.
As you sang silent night,
your beautiful voice put me at ease,
and I asked please,
"Can I call you Angel?"
A smile came to your face with serenity and grace,
but you said not a word.
In my darkest hours you held my hand,
never leaving my side, and I said, while I cried,
"Can I call you Angel? "
You then began to wipe the tears away
and erase all the gray in my life.
You led me down a path of gold,telling me of the creator above,
and again I asked with a greater love,
"Can I call you Angel?"
You never answered my plea,
so I fell to my knee in prayer.
As I opened my eyes, I could see you before me;
Your wings spread and a golden halo upon your head
and one last time I said,
"Star, can I call you Angel?"